Dear God,

As I am writing this, I’m filled with so much distress. Im so depressed and just sad. I don’t know which way to go or turn. I get so sad just watching others just going with life and things seem to be flourishing for all those around me but God. What is happening to me. Ive begin to yearn for Simeon who I once was. How God did I lose my push, where did my fire go, where is she that was so happy. Lord God I’m just so lost and stuck in space. Lord Hod I’m just existing. I’ve been going through for years now Lord God and I just can’t shake this feeling. How is it I still have complete faith in God. I know that things are turning around for my good. Lord God help me. I need you nothing around me feels safe. Sometimes I can’t believe this is my life. Is this what they call imposter syndrome. Who Am I?

Give Yourself Permission to Believe

Job 33:13-15 NLT Elihu speaking to Job says,

13. So why are you bringing a charge against him? Why say he does not respond to people’s complaints? 14. For God speaks again and again, though people do not recognize it. 15. He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in their beds.

Ohh what a moment. I started thinking have you been listening for God? Have you been watching for God? Have you put your self in position to receive a word from God?… in the text God’s word clearly tells us of how God speaks to us.

A few weeks ago, I was struggling with sleepless nights and waking from my sleep in a panic and it dawned on me that I had been wrestling with the enemy in my sleep. I felt as if the enemy knew during the day I was fighting him with the word but at night I was leaving the door open for him to try to get to me. Whewww how could this be, let me tell you. I wasn’t covering myself before I would lie down. I wasn’t praying my night time prayers. Yes I was taught as a child to say my prayer before bed but as an adult. The hustle and bustle of life has interfered so I’m drained at the end of the day. No excuse I’m on it now.

As I have became aware of what the enemy was trying to do, and I begin to fight back I could hear God speaking clearly. Not only did God start showing up in the middle of the night, I begin to see him more throughout the day. What I mean by this is, It may not always be a voice. God is always showing Himself. Not only does He speaks to us in our dreams, He can speak through nature or He can speak through things we may read. Listen, we have to put ourselves in position to hear and see from God. Most importantly we must allow ourselves to believe it’s Him speaking to us. God wants our attention.

A Relationship worth Fighting For!

Have you ever noticed that when you are facing a storm you seem to have this burning desire to call on God every minute, every hour and every turn of the day. You find yourself chasing after him and calling his name constantly. Going into your prayer closet at random moments just seeking Jesus. Have you ever notice that when all seems to be well that flaming desire that you once had begins to linger. Its not as loud and strong as it once was. In moments like these I can barely hear God. Can I just keep it real. I find the time I once filled with Jesus being occupied by meaningless activities or just day dreaming. Its at this moment I find myself wondering should I be chasing after Jesus. This has been something I have battled with for years. I always wondered why is it so hard for me to keep the fire shut up in me for Jesus. I look at my fellow brothers and sisters and it’s like they always have that fire for God. Why is it so hard for me? I want that. I want to be so in love with God that everything around me doesn’t matter. I want to be one of the biggest witnesses for Jesus. These are wants that I can have. I read Isaiah 30:18 and it says “So the Lord must wait for you to come to him, so He can show you His love and compassion…” . Right there it shows that God is waiting for me. God hasn’t went anywhere. He’s been there the entire time. He needs me to get to a quiet place so I can hear him properly. He needs me to silence the noise so that I know its no one but GOD. So how do you do that? Those days when you don’t feel like opening that bible FORCE yourself to read at least one scripture. Turn that radio station on praise and worship and leave it on so when you get in and out your car it’s on. You got to FORCE yourself to be in God’s presence. It’s not that you’re forcing a relationship with God but you are forcing yourself to be discipline, to surround yourself with God’s presence so that when the trials of this world come you will be prepared. We fight for a lot of things in this life. We fight for humanity. We fight for our rights. We fight for each other. Why not fight with ourselves for God?